Thursday, September 24, 2009

Well…

as I sit here snotty nosed and red eyed from reading various blogs...

Somehow I ALWAYS find the blogs that are heartbreaking...

I know that God has a plan for everyone and everything but I can't help but

wonder what the BIG picture is...

I have lost many people in my life from various things, my friends children have passed away

and have almost passed away.

I am not really sure where this blog is going (hence my blogs name)…

After reading all of these blogs about sweet babies passing away from SIDS or husbands losing their wives it reminds me of a time when Gannon was 3 or 4 days old…I had just nursed him to back to sleep around 1 or 2 and put him in his pack and play and kissed him goodnight…knowing good and well that he would wake up in 20mins to nurse again and to snuggle with me…then I got that “MOTHER’S INSTINCT” that I should check on him one last time before closing my eyes for my 20 min nap…convinced that something was wrong.

Well ALWAYS TRUST THAT INSTINCT!

I guess Gannon had spit up in his sleep (yes, he was on his back) and my milk hadn't really come in yet so it was still thick colostrum.  It was SO thick, it was coming out of his nose and mouth and his eyes were wide open like he KNEW he was in trouble(as much as a 3-4day old baby can be) I grabbed him up and started screaming at Kyle to get the nasal aspirator and was frantically sucking the spit up out of his nose and mouth.

I remember holding him as tight as I could and just crying…WHAT IF I hadn't leaned down ONE last time…what would have happened? I don't think I slept at all that night.

I STILL to this day check on him SEVERAL times through out the night…I constantly worry about him.

We co-sleep but every once in awhile he will fall asleep on the couch and I stick him in his room.

I know that if he is next to me that he is okay…If I still had his baby monitor video camera it would STILL be hooked up, just so I could peek at him when I wanted to.

So just hold your child(ren) a little closer and love on them a little bit more.

I am starting to realize that I need to spend less time with my computer and more time with my son.

He is only this age ONCE.

So starting now I may not be getting your pictures back to you as fast as I did before…because I will be with my son.

Sorry for ALL of the rambling…My heart was just SO heavy tonight.

~Jenn

3 comments:

Brandy September 24, 2009 at 10:34 AM  

I know what you mean. I keep coming across blogs that just weigh SO heavy on my heart that I lay there listening to Grayson breathe at night just to make sure.

Aidan and Evan's mommy October 2, 2009 at 9:15 AM  

Glad to know I'm not the only mommy out there that checks on her babies several times a night.

We have a video monitor and a regular monitor in Aidan's room. Now that he doesn't have a nurse at night anymore, when I hear his O2 monitor go off for any reason I jump out of bed. Most of the time it's because he pulled it off his finger, but you never know.

You are so right.... everyone should hold their children tight and enjoy each and every moment they have. I'd give anything in the world to have my Aidan back the way he was and hold on to him like there was no tomorrow.

Sheila November 16, 2009 at 7:56 AM  

OH MY!!! That is scary about Gannon! I thought I was a "wigged" out mom! Coby is Gannon's age and we STILL have the baby monitors hooked up and i STILL check him all the time - just go put my hand on his back to make sure he is still breathing! I can NOT imgaine losing a child! God be with those families.

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